Before we start I do want to stress that this is written in a

very lighthearted fashion


If you'r reading this & you’re thinking of having some photographs taken by a professional photographer? On behalf of us pros, thank you very much. But before your shoot comes around, here are a few tips to help us get the best photographs possible.

1: Event planners! We know that candlelight and low lighting makes even the dingiest of spaces look romantic, but please remember that we need a little light to photograph with. It’s no fun turning up to an event and feeling as if we’re about to go on a caving expedition. (And also, it’s none of my business but naked flames and free alcohol isn't a great combination to me.)

2: So you’re getting married? Congratulations! But when you book a photographer for the day and tell them you only want reportage shots, please check with your parents beforehand. Experience tells most pros that at least somebody will want a formal group shot to send to Great-Aunty Bertha in Nova Scotia.

3: While we’re on the subject of weddings, there’s a reason most photographers pack up shortly after the first dance. When you’re planning a wedding, it might seem like a lovely idea to have evening shots of everyone dancing and having fun. Unfortunately, after a day involving copious amounts of alcohol, you’re more likely to end up with bleary expressions and dodgy grins. Let us pack up before things descend into madness!

4: Need some smart headshots done? No problem, but do ask men of a certain age to invest in a nasal trim beforehand. I think most photographers can attest to at least one happy retouching session zoomed in on noses that they really could have lived without.

5: In addition in the corporate world, please do clarify what you mean when you ask for something ‘creative’. Do you actually want something a bit wacky or do you just mean you’d prefer a grey backdrop to the standard white one?

6: Many photographers love photographing pets. But please do tell us in advance if you have a cat that hides the minute it sees a stranger, or a dog that has unhealthy interests in a photographer’s leg. We’re good, but it does help if we can actually ‘see’ the pet, or get it far enough away from our legs for a photograph.

7: Parents, we love photographing your children but please do our equipment a favour and let us know in advance if they’re going through a Vomiting Veronica phase. It’s not a problem, but it does mean we can bring our washable / wipe down backgrounds with us!

8: On the subject of siblings, it’s totally normal to have at least a couple of photos of the older child trying to strangle the younger in a friendly half nelson. Don’t panic – we have ways and means of distracting kids, although bringing a couple of their favourite toys won’t hurt.

9: And finally… no, I can’t make you look 20 years younger and/or 20lbs slimmer. I’m good, but I’m not a miracle worker…